Snoops the Lawyer

Song lyrics to Snoops the Lawyer (1920) by Bert Kalmar & Harry Ruby

I know a certain lawyer in a little town
Who got the name of Snoops from always snoopin’ around
He was the most peculiar man I’ve ever seen
I’ll give you a description of the man I mean

[chorus]
Snoops the Lawyer never wore a collar
Snoops the Lawyer dodged an awful price
Snoops the Lawyer never spent a dollar
No one ever took a bit of his advice.

A lady and her husband never could agree
She said, he wants to take the child away from me
Snoops, he says, give him the child and you’ll be free
A girl like you could make a baby out of me.

[chorus]

A lady lost a lapdog that she couldn’t trace
And while she spoke the tears were rolling down her face
Snoops the lawyer said, I’d like to take your case
In fact, I’d like to take the little lapdog’s place.

[chorus]

A fellow was arrested only yesterday
He stole eleven bottles from a swell café
But Snoops the lawyer, he laughed right in the judge’s face!
He said, eleven bottles doesn’t make a case.

[chorus]

Snoopy went and bought himself a Ford machine
He drove around the nicest girls you’ve ever seen
They hugged him and they kissed him and he yelled with glee
“Imagine what a Cadillac could do for me!”

[chorus]