Can Broadway Do Without Me? (1929), Music and Lyrics by Jimmy Durante, Performed by Jimmy Durante in “Speak Easily“
Jimmy Durante: I just had an argument with Ziegfeld.
Ziegfeld?
Jimmy Durante: On the corner of Broadway and 43rd.
That’s some corner!
Jimmy Durante: You know, Ziegfeld said, “You know who I am?” I said, “Do you know who I am?”
What happened?
Jimmy Durante: He said, “Who are you?” I said nothing, I was cornered.
Cornered?
Jimmy Durante: But it makes no difference, what I started out to say …
Why not, Jim?
Jimmy Durante: Why, this is what I wish to convey.
What is it, Jimmy?
Jimmy Durante: Now you know darn well I can do without Broadway, but can Broadway do without me?
No!
Jimmy Durante: Herald Square, Times Square, Columbus Circle, 96th …. Say, where am I? I must’ve passed my station.
Why, he’s lost.
Jimmy Durante: They must have found out at Times Square that I passed my destination.
Why?
Jimmy Durante: They sent messengers all over to get me to the head of the celebration.
I get it.
Jimmy Durante: You know as I got off the express some yokel pushes me into a local.
What happened?
Jimmy Durante: The crowds seen a mistake, pull the emergency brake, and shouted …
Why there’s Jimmy, Manuel, the rest, man …
Jimmy Durante: So you know darn well I can do without Broadway …
Wow.
Jimmy Durante: But can Broadway do without me?
No!
Jimmy Durante: Say fellas, you remember that Eddie Leonard got sick?
Certainly.
Jimmy Durante: I’ll never forget the day.
Neither will I.
Jimmy Durante: I’m sitting at home when in comes another telegram which read …
What it read?
Jimmy Durante: “The only one who can replace Eddie Leonard is you.”
You?
Jimmy Durante: I went when I went I went. And when I went, and how I went.
He’s a went-er!
Jimmy Durante: Why, the applause was deafenin’ as I started croonin’ …
It was, “Yes sir, that’s my baby, no sir, I don’t mean maybe“
Jimmy Durante: No, no, that’s not the song.
What was it, Jimmy Boy, what was it?
Jimmy Durante: For I love you, Ida dear … ah Quah Quah Quah …
Duck!
Jimmy Durante: Why let it get swell, Albie thanks me, I’m not home ten minutes when in comes another telegram which read, “Jolson topples over! Please take his place write your own ticket Leon J. Schubert.” Well I steps out on that stage, and on one knee, not on both knees, I gozinta “Rockabye my baby …”
Sing it Jimmy boy!
Jimmy Durante: You know its one of those time, Sonny boy, one of those times,
