Kids! song lyrics — performed in Bye Bye Birdie by Maureen Stapleton, Paul Lynde, Dick Van Dyke & Bryan Russell
Kids!
I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids today!
Kids!
Who can understand anything they say?
Kids!
They a disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
Noisy, crazy, dirty, lazy, loafers!
While we’re on the subject:
Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue!
Kids!
But they still just do what they want to do!
Why can’t they be like we were,
Perfect in every way?
What’s the matter with kids today?
Kids!
I’ve tried to raise you the best I could
Kids!
All the things I did were for your own good.
Kids, can’t you once appreciate how I’ve sacrificed
Working, slaving, scrimping, saving pennies
And living with your father
Kids, no one knows the burden I’ve had to bear,
And in my condition
Kids! I’m a poor sick woman and does he care?
Ha! Go on, go on and kill me
That’s what it’s coming to
When a mother has kids like you.
Kids.
All the chicken soup that I made for you.
Mama, take it easy.
Kids.
Now you throw me out like a worn out shoe.
… Not in front of everybody.
Mom, after all I haven’t been such an awful son
I never sass you back, or leave a ring around the bathtub.
And don’t I always phone you?
Kids!
You can give your life to ’em night and day
Kids, then they go get married …
Married?
And go away.
Who’s getting married?
Why did we have this children?
Better to have a pet
You know where you stand with a pet [dog bites him]
I never asked for nothin’ …
Nothin’ is what you’ll get.
What’s the matter with kids to…
Kids.