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Jubilation T. Cornpone [song lyrics]

Song lyrics to Jubilation T. Cornpone, from the musical L’il Abner

Who is Jubilation T. Cornpone, you ask? The man who founded the city of Dogpatch, of course. Who losted it? That’s another story …

Lyrics

[sung by Stubby Kaye as Marryin’ Sam and cast]

When we fought the Yankees and annihilation was near,
Who was there to lead the charge that took us safe to the rear?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old “Toot your own horn – pone.”
Jubilation T. Cornpone, a man who knew no fear!

When we almost had ’em but the issue still was in doubt,
Who suggested the retreat that turned it into a rout?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old “Tattered and torn – pone.”
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he kept us hidin’ out!

With our ammunition gone and faced with utter defeat,
Who was it that burned the crops and left us nothing to eat?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old “September Morn – pone.”
Jubilation T. Cornpone, the pants blown off his seat!

HURRAY!

When it seemed like our brave boys would keep on fighting for months,
Who took pity on them and capitulated at once?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Unshaven and shorn – pone.
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he weren’t nobody’s dunce!

History says that General Grant was pretty good with a jug,
Who drank drink-for-drink with him and wound up under the rug?
It was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
passed out until morn -pone.
Jubilation T. Cornpone, his whiskers in his mug.

Hearing that a Northern spy had come to town for a night,
Who gained entrance to her rooms and lost a glorious fight?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Oh weary and worn-pone;
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he fought all through the night!

There at Appomattox, Lee and Grant were present, of course;
As Lee swept a tear away, who swept the back of his horse?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old, sorry, forlorn-pone;
Jubilation T. Cornpone, a picture of remorse!

Jubilation T. Cornpone, he really saved the day!

Alternative lyrics

Who went re-con-noiter-ing to flank the enemy’s rear,
Circled through the piney woods, and disappeared for a year?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old “Treat ’em with scorn – pone.”
Jubilation T. Cornpone, the missing mountaineer!

Who became so famous with a reputation so great,
That he ran for president and didn’t carry a state?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old “Wouldn’t be sworn – pone.”
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he made the country wait!

Stonewall Jackson got his name by standing firm in the fray.
Who was known to all his men as good ol’ “Paper Mache?”
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;

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