Car 54 Where Are You? Season 1 – starring Fred Gwynne, Joe E. Ross
Car 54 Where Are You? chronicles the misadventures of two of New York’s finest in the 53rd precinct in the Bronx. Toody, the short, stocky, extrovert and dim-witted one, either saves the day or messes things up. Much to the chagrin of his partner Muldoon, the tall, lanky, introverted and smart one.
Who’s For Swordfish
In the pilot, the boys are desperate to angle for swordfish. After shift-swapping with the entire precinct – over and over again! They try to avoid issuing tickets (to avert court duty), will they go?
Something Nice For Sol
Gunther Toody drives the entire station batty, chairing the committee to get everyone’s favorite desk Sgt. Sol Abrams a surprise 25-year present. Toody keeps changing his little mind seeking the perfect gift and insists on parliamentary procedure for meetings. Finally, they decide on orthotic shoes for him. But how to get his foot measurements without him knowing?
Home Sweet Sing Sing
The boys use extraordinary techniques to rehabilitate a recently released petty thief. Unfortunately, Benny (George Baylos) has other ideas. It’s not that he’s still a criminal. But after twenty years behind bars, he’s used to the strict life behind bars. And apparently is unable to change …
Change Your Partner
Toody and Muldoon’s 9 blissful years as partners stun a researcher who finds the average prowl car pair last only 16 months before screaming to be switched. If the NYPD management engineer can discover their secret and replicate it, that’ll save the blue brass many headaches. But once the “little things” that each does is pointed out to the other …. They want to swap partners! And drive their new partners crazy!
I Won’t Go
Introducing Mrs. Bronson (Molly Picon, Fiddler on the Roof), the sweet Jewish grandmother confounding the boys at the 53rd as well as New York City’s bureaucracy. Her apartment building is condemned. But she won’t go! And it’s all due to …
Toody convinces ‘Tessie the Torso’ (), a buxom sex-symbol, to stay at Francis’s mother’s house. It turns out, Muldoon is a huge fan. A sweet and funny episode, that illustrates Francis’ painfully shy nature.
The Paint Job
A car thieving ring is using an auto body shop to paint stolen cars and resell them. The 53rd is down to only two patrol cars, so the boys are desperate to keep their beloved car 54. When it’s damaged by a pulled-over driver, they take it to the same repair shop. And then, there’s a mix-up between the stolen car and their patrol car …
Love Finds Muldoon
Lucille plays matchmaker for Francis.
The Gypsy Curse
The boys are told to shut down a gypsy ripoff artist. But when they do, the gypsy puts a curse on Toody. And Toody’s very susceptible to suggestion.
Thirty Days Notice
Gunther and Lucille Toody give their landlord notice because they’re fed up with their crumbling apartment.
Catch Me On The Paar Show
After a chance traffic stop with Hugh Downs, Gunther finagles an appearance on the Jack Paar show of a fellow officer he thinks is funny. But that officer is paralyzed with stage fright. So Toody covers for him. And becomes a sensation! And it goes to his head.
The Taming of Lucille
Toody is feeling henpecked by Lucille. But he musters the courage to become king of his castle after seeing a stirring performance of Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew”. And Lucille coincidentally is watching a TV show about a shrewish wife who pushes her husband away. So she goes along with it! Until …
Put It In The Bank
The 53rd Precinct’s Brotherhood Club’s elects Gunther Toody as the new treasurerr. He’s determined to invest their hard-earned $800 in the stock market. Despite the protests of his fiscally conservative colleagues.
Get Well, Officer Schnauser
While Schnauser is laid up in the hospital, Toody is tapped by the FBI to go undercover to help them nab notorious bank robber “No Face”. And one mistaken identity after another ensues.
Christmas at the 53rd
The boys from the 53rd put on a Christmas review. Two Gilbert & Sullivan parodies featuring Capt. Block & Muldoon, a heart-tugging song from Toody, and other sketches.
Muldoon’s the big expert on rules and regulations at the precinct. But he’s scared to take the test to become a sergeant. So Toody, encouraged by a book he’s reading, decides to make the sacrifice, to push his partner.
Boom, Boom, Boom
The boys are attempting to win the barbershop quartet competition for “the old man” Capt. Block. The rules require all 163 quartets to perform the same song, which drives poor Jan Murray to insanity.
Toody & Muldoon’s Crack Down
After the police chief drives through Toody & Muldoon’s sector, he’s so angered by the scores of violations he sees he orders an investigation. With surprising results. It’s very funny when Toody & Muldoon try to “crack down” on the minor violations. But, neither has the heart to actually write a ticket. Then, the chief talks with the people of the sector. And he’s touched by how much they love the pair. And how effective Toody & Muldoon really are.
Toody is on an undercover detail in Brooklyn with a female cop as his wife and a small boy as his child. When Lucille’s sister spots him there, the rumors start flying wildly. And then, Lucille leaves him! Then Toody thinks she’s having an affair with Captain Block! And Captain Block’s wife thinks …. A hilarious cavalcade of comedy.
How High is Up
Muldoon discovers he’s grown an inch to 6-foot-seven. This puts him one inch over the police regulation. And puts him over the edge with paranoia about his height.
Toody And the Art World
Toody is the only person who can appreciate Karpathia’s abstract masterpiece, “Lower Manhattan at Sunset (from the New Jersey Side).” This episode features an inspired performance from Severn Darden.
What Happened to Thursday
The 53rd is embarrassed by the domestic dispute calls that come every Thursday night – from the Schnausers. Toody convinces Leo (along w/the rest of the boys) that Thursday’s actually Friday leading to expected hilarious confusion.
How Smart Can You Get
The smartest rookie cop is assigned to ride w/chatty Toody & reticent Muldoon. Can Car 54 survive, now that Muldoon has stimulating conversation?
Today I Am a Man
Tired of being stereotyped as a mama’s boy, Muldoon feigns having a hot date at “the hottest club in the Bronx”. When his bluff is called by doubting coworkers, he quickly commandeers a puritan family who gets the wrong impression from his weapon! The young girl that becomes his date is a young Shari Lewis.
No More Pickpockets
The boys go under cover at Yankee Stadium to stem the onslaught of pickpockets. One skilled pilferer turns the tide on Toody; who ends up arrested?
The Beast Who Walked The Bronx
Burkholtz, relegated to the Lost & Found for 15 years due to his extreme laxity is the only choice to sub for Capt. Block on his forced two week vacation. The boys mistake his absence from active duty thinking it’s because he was too tough!
The Courtship of Sylvia Schnauser
Leo and Sylvia Schnauser are renewing their vows with a large wedding ceremony.
The boys of the 53rd Precinct pull together to buy Captain Block the matching Aleutian Ceremonial Chair he desires to complete his set.
Quiet! We’re Thinking
Gunther and Lucille’s 11-year-old nephew Marvin, in the Big Apple for a Boy Scout event, helps Toody and Muldoon crack the cases that have flummoxed New York’s Finest.
I Love Lucille
Lucille dies her hair to get Gunther to notice her, and when he finally does, look out.
Cast of Car 54 Where Are You?
- Joe E. Ross (It’s About Time) … Officer Gunther Toody
- Fred Gwynne (The Munsters) … Officer Francis Muldoon. Shy, introverted, studious, by the book.
- Paul Reed … Captain Paul Block
- Beatrice Pons … Lucille Toody. Gunther’s suffering wife. She tends to yell things out the window about her husband. As well as listen to the neighborhood gossips about him.
- Nipsey Russel (The Wiz) … Officer Dave Anderson
- Al Lewis (Munster Go Home!) … Officer Leo Schnauser. After multiple guest appearances playing other roles, he becomes a regular member of the cast.
- Charlotte Rae (Facts of Life TV series) … Sylvia Schnauser. Leo’s loving wife. Although they get into huge arguments every Thursday night like clockwork.