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The Walrus and the Carpenter [song lyrics

Song lyrics to The Walrus and the Carpenter, Music by Steve Allen, Lyrics by Lewis Carroll, Performed by Steve Lawrence, Eydie Gormé,Karl Malden, Louis Nye, and the Oysters in Alice in Wonderland 1985

[the song is book-ended by Tweedledee (Steve Lawrence) and Tweedledum (Eydie Gormé)]

Tweeldedee (Steve Lawrence) and Tweedledum (Edyie Gormé):
The walrus and the carpenter were walking close at hand
They went like anything to see such quantities of sand.

The Walrus (Karl Malden):
If this were only cleared away, my friend, it would be grand.
If seven maids were seven maids were seven mops, swept it for half a year
Do you suppose in that much time that they could get t clear?

The Carpenter (Louis Nye):
I truly doubt it could be done
At least by me, my dear!
[The Carpenter spies four giant oysters on the bearch]

The Walrus (Karl Malden) and The Carpenter (Louis Nye):
Oysters come and walk with us
We truly do beseech
A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach.

We cannot do with more than four
To give a hand to each.

The Walrus (Karl Malden):
The time has come, I’m quite convinced,
To talk of many things.

The Carpenter (Louis Nye):
Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and kings.

The Walrus (Karl Malden) and The Carpenter (Louis Nye):
And why the sea is boiling hot,
And whether pigs have wings.

The Oysters:
But wait, a bit, if you don’t mind,
Before we have our chat.
For some of us are out of breath
And all of us are fat.

The Carpenter (Louis Nye):
We do not wish to hurry you.

The Oysters:
Thank you much for that!

The Walrus (Karl Malden):
A loaf of bread, and butter too, is what we chiefly need.
And vinegar, and salt besides, are very good indeed.
Now if you’re ready, oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.

The Oysters:
But not on us, if it’s all the same,
And strictly ultra new,
For after such a kindness,
What a dismal thing to do!

The Carpenter (Louis Nye):
Shall we have some wine?

The Walrus (Karl Malden):
[to the oysters] The night is fine,
Do you admire the view?

It was so kind of you to come
And you are so very nice …

The Carpenter (Louis Nye):
Talk is cheap, by the briny deep,
Cut us another slice.
I wish you were not quite so deaf
I’ve had to ask you twice.

The Walrus (Karl Malden):
It seems a rather dreadful shame
To play them such a trick.
After we brought them out so far
And made them trot so quick.

The Carpenter (Louis Nye):
Say what you will, but as for me,
The butter’s spread too thick!

The Walrus (Karl Malden):
I weep for you, my little friends,
I deeply sympathize,
I sob, and sob, and I weep some tears
All those of a larger size.

The Carpenter (Louis Nye):
Oh, hold your pocket handkerchief
Before your bloomin’ eyes. [daubs his eyes with the handkerchief]

Tweeldedee (Steve Lawrence) and Tweedledum (Edyie Gormé):
[singing as the Carpenter and the Walrus lead the oysters behind some rocks]
“Oh oysters”, said the Carpenter, “You’ve had a pleasant run.”
“Shall we be trotting home again?” but the answer came there none.

And this was scarcely odd because …
[the Walrus and the Carpenter appear and burp]
They’ve eaten every one!

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