Don’t Say Hello

Song lyrics to “Don’t Say Hello”, words and music by Earl K. Brent, performed by Andy and Della Russell on The Red Skelton Show episode, “Ambulance Driver”

Song lyrics to “Don’t Say Hello“, words and music by Earl K. Brent

Don’t Say Hello, ’cause if I say “Hello” back, you’ll ask me where I’m goin’
If I tell you where I’m goin’, you’ll offer me a ride
And if I take a ride I’ll end up sitting by your side.

Don’t say hello ’cause if I’m sitting by your side
You’ll ask me out to dinner
And if I go out to dinner you’ll order me a drink
No you don’t, no you don’t, no you don’t!

Don’t say hello ’cause if I take a little drink
You’ll order me another
And if I take another you’ll act like any gent
And suggest we leave the place to go to your apartment!

Don’t say hello ’cause when you get me to your flat
You’ll throw your arms around me
And with your arms around me you’ll ask me for a kiss
No you don’t, no you don’t, no you don’t!

Don’t say hello ’cause when you get your little kiss
Your mind will start a-working
And with your mind a-working you’ll figure out a way
to rob me of the cash I saved up for a rainy day.

Don’t say hello ’cause when you’ve up and robbed me blind
You’ll just run off and leave me! [starts crying]
And if you run off and leave me, I’ll think of suicide!
You’re a cad! You’re a cheat! You’re a rat!

Don’t say hello ’cause if I think of suicide,
I’ll jump into the river [crying]
When they fish me from the river, a sorry little dame,
I hope you’ll be happy, just know that you’re to blame! [hits him]

Just gosh, I’m so glad
That I knew enough to call your hand
Before this ugly mess began!
You’re a liar, you’re a cheat, and I hope we never meet!

Hey officer, arrest this man! [Police officer does so]
Don’t ask me who it is or what he did or what he said
Just tell him from me to please drop dead!

Media appearances

• Performed by Andy and Della Russell, on The Red Skelton Show episode, “Ambulance Driver“