Comedy Tonight lyrics, composed by Stephen Sondheim, from the movie A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
[PSEUDOLUS]
Something familiar,
Something peculiar,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Something appealing,
Something appalling,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns;
Bring on the lovers, liars, and clowns!
Old situations,
New complications,
Nothing portentous or polite;
Tragedy tomorrow,
Comedy tonight!
Something convulsive,
Something repulsive,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Something aesthetic,
Something frenetic,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Nothing with gods, nothing with fate;
Weighty affairs will just have to wait!
Nothing that’s formal,
Nothing that’s normal,
No recitations to recite;
Open up the curtain:
Comedy Tonight!
Something erratic,
Something dramatic,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Frenzy and frolic,
Strictly symbolic,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
[ENTIRE COMPANY]
Something familiar,
Something peculiar,
Something for everybody:
Comedy tonight!
Something that’s gaudy,
Something that’s bawdy —
[PSEUDOLUS]
Something for everybawdy!
[ENTIRE COMPANY]
Comedy tonight!
[MILES GLORIOSUS]
Nothing that’s grim.
[DOMINA]
Nothing that’s Greek.
[PSEUDOLUS]
[Indicating DOMINA:]
She plays Medea later this week.
[WOMEN]
Stunning surprises!
[MEN]
Cunning disguises!
[ALL]
Hundreds of actors out of sight!
[ERRONIUS]
Pantaloons and tunics!
[SENEX]
Courtesans and eunuchs!
[HERO]
Funerals and chases!
[LYCUS]
Baritones and basses!
[PHILIA]
Panderers!
[HERO]
Philanderers!
[HYSTERIUM]
Cupidity!
[MILES]
Timidity!
[LYCUS]
Mistakes!
[ERRONIUS]
Fakes!
[DOMINA]
Rhymes!
[PHILIA]
Crimes!
[PSEUDOLUS]
Tumblers!
Grumblers!
Bumblers!
Fumblers!
[ALL]
No royal curse, no Trojan horse,
And a happy ending, of course!
Goodness and badness,
Panic is madness —
This time, it all turns out all right!
Tragedy tomorrow,
Comedy tonight!